Impostor Syndrome

“How about using the tagline ‘work relationship expert’?” my publicist asked. I panicked. I was brought up to put stock in academic achievement but I didn’t get that doctoral degree like I’d meant to, so was I really an expert?

This was spectacularly poor timing for self-doubt because Work Jerks: How to Cope with Difficult Bosses and Colleagues was due to hit the shelves. If I really didn’t think I had the chops, what business did I have writing the book in the first place?  For heaven’s sake, I had forty plus years in the field and knew what I was talking about. I decided to get a grip, take a deep breath and say yes because something had to put on the business card.

There’s a difference between pretending you’re miscast (and delight in receiving flattery to refute your protests) and experiencing the sensation that you’re a pretender. In the latter case, it doesn’t matter what others say about you because it’s the internal dialog doing the dirty work. Perhaps you, like me, feel you’re missing some credential that proclaims you as legit even though you have other academic preparation and/or experience. This is not to be confused with the necessity of obtaining a specific degree and/or credentialing to legally do your work. A friend’s father declared himself to be a surgeon when he was not…that did not end well.

There are high achieving folks who believe they don’t deserve their success. They think that what has come to them has been a result of luck or other external factors. They fear that they’ll be “found out” even though their performance is exemplary. Feeling like a fraud when you are not is a rotten place to be.

Current Research in Behavioral Sciences did a meta-analysis of over one hundred studies on impostor syndrome. The conclusion was that women consistently score higher on measures related to this phenomenon than men. That is not to say that men don’t experience it, just not in the same numbers. Does this have something to do with differences in how girls and boys are raised?

Some of us were brought up not to toot our own horns because it was considered unattractive and self-aggrandizing. The message came early to stop being a show off. But what if that message morphed into a conviction that it’s wrong to feel good about your expertise? This lack of belief in oneself doesn’t just affect the individual, it can directly affect the people with whom they interact on a professional basis.

Owning your competence is an inside job. It’s demonstrated externally in self-assured, skilled behavior. Do you really want a pilot to come on the intercom and haltingly say, “This is your captain speaking—well, I'm not really a captain 'cause I'm not in the military.”? You do not! To become a commercial airline captain, they went through rigorous and lengthy training. They have many hours of experience. What you want to hear over the loud speaker is a calm, authoritative voice giving you just enough pilot chatter so you can relax. You do not want to hear their inner critic coming out to play.

Our world is full of people who claim to be authorities with not much to back it up. So it’s funny to consider that others have the opposite problem—they have the goods but are timid about acknowledging them. Is that you? If it is, try these things so you can own and share your capabilities:

• Borrow the presumed confidence of someone you know who appears to have no trouble accepting their role. I used to put on my “Sharon” hat when I needed a boost.

• Catch those equivocating words and banish them when referring to yourself and your skills. “I’m pretty good…”, “I’ve had some experience…”, “I try to…” Stop it.

• Tell your inner critic that you’ve got covered so it can go on break. Tell it you appreciate that it’s trying to keep you safe but all it’s doing is sabotaging your self-assurance. If this is a frequent occurrence, give it a name—a non-threatening one like Fluffy. Mine is Ginger.

• Decide you won’t be stingy with yourself and relish what you do well. Shift your self-talk to, “I’m really good at this and that feels great!”

As the Staple Singers sang back in the day, “respect yourself.” The world needs your gifts so proudly claim them and let them shine.